This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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