Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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