I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
