I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....