The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
