if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.