literally had 100 drinks last night.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.