The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.