New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
