he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
