I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
