Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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