i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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