Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize