Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am one with the molecules
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
