Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
