Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
