the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
