Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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