Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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