i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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