You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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