can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
