We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
