Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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