First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
