You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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