He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
