How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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