end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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