Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
