Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
