Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
