you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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