Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
