this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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