what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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