Betty ford says i'm here all night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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