Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
