So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
