my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
