i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
