why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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