I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
