Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
