We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
