A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
