so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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