A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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