Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
