I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
