You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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