i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
