i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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