this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
