i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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