I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
