someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
