Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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