GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
