Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
