I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
