will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
