She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
barbara walters just said penis...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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