My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
