happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry about my life...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
