Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
