Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
