I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize