i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
