shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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