if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize