Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
