i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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