new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
