Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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