Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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