legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
