i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Randomize
